Dear Little ones,
Oh how my heart misses you tonight. Each and every one of you.
Eugene, I miss the way your songs would fill our home. From the quiet boy who would sing only three words to blossoming into my songbird of 30 tunes, the world has remained a much more silent place in your absence. While we never had a conversation, we had so much love that it could feel like one million words over a minute’s time. In all of the pain and loss I’ve remembered the translation those first words you would sing in the beginning. “There is ONE God.”
Fidel, my baby boy I never expected to lose you. Your miraculous recovery was and will remain evidence of our perfect Creator’s purpose for your short 3.5 years. I dreamed of watching you grow stronger and of removing the cataracts that robbed you of the seeing the intricacies of this beautiful world. But what a sight it must have been to open your eyes to Jesus that beautiful night. To escape your broken body that could endure fractures from even the lightest touch. I know that you, my precious angel, are now more whole than I could have ever made you.
Irene, you will forever remain my most treasured healing. While you came to me for a fatal blood condition, God knew that the only thing you truly lacked was salvation and promise of an eternity with Him. I might have given you transfusion after transfusion and even funded a massive surgery in attempt to save your life—but that one call to that beloved Texas mission team, THAT my dear girl is what gave you an eternity to live so fully.
Winnie, it still crushes my heart to list your name in this letter. You have only been gone for two weeks today and oh, the pain is SO deep. You filled my heart and life with treasure I’d never known and a joy I’ll mourn losing until the day we meet again. Wins, you BEAT cancer. An impossible feat. You gave me the faith to pray healing over other children in a way I couldn’t before seeing your miracle. How you left us so quickly I will never understand. But what I do know is all of our babies in heaven have been reunited with their sweetest little mama who they adored. Secretly, I don’t like to think of your body being fully restored, because to me, you were more beautiful with one eye than anyone with two.
While the call to continue being “mommy” to the most fragile children on this planet might terrify me to no end, your memories and every minute I spent with each of you has given me riches that have exceeded all loss. When the days feel too heavy and the pain too strong—I envision your beautiful faces on the other side of those golden gates. I picture an unimaginable eternity with thousands of you that have called me mama. And with every new child I find in need my darlings, I feel your warmth as they enter my arms.
Forever and Always,